Monday, July 22, 2013

Baby Mama vs. Baby Mother

Apparently, you can make a list of the difference between Baby Mama and Baby Mother.

I asked various fathers that have one or more children with one of more women what the difference between a baby mother and a baby mama is. Here are the results:


One father wrote that a baby mama gives you a headache with all her nagging and just wants your money. A baby mother "gets her own bread" and doesn't bother you. I'm sure some may disagree with this and I do realize that some women may fit this nagging-headache category. However, on the topic of money and child support, since 2004, missed child support payments have increase 2%-3% each year. In addition, approximately 66% of cases require payments of $400 or less. For one child, that barely covers daycare, food or rent for a month.

63% of Ontario child support cases still active are in compliance which is quite high compared to Northwest Territories at 54%. Quebec has the highest compliance rate at 72%. Living in Ontario, if you were one of the mothers in the 37% group, wouldn't you be nagging about money too?

How many fathers do you know that plan their child's birthday parties? Planning and family care are also seen as a feminized role, and with this mentality, a mother's responsibility in increased with familial duties. A father of three wrote that he has never planned his children's birthday parties or family events. The mother of his children buys supplies, does the cooking, cleaning, books venues and is in charge of the guest list among various other duties. He admits that he should take part more often but "just never has".

Some men tend to think that child care is primarily a woman's job. One father replied that he doesn't have to contribute to any familial responsibilities because the mother is responsible for that. She's "naturally" good at it.
Let me remind you that nurturing and caring of children is not a woman's "biological" trait. Parenting is a social skill and your biological make up is not an excuse to exclude yourself from parental responsibilities.

In addition to the responses I received, a one to one conversation with a father of a seven year old daughter and a 5 year old son was interesting. He believed that there isn't a difference between baby mama and baby mother.

"I guarantee you that the men labelling mothers as such and such don't have a good relationship with the kids... I mean not like the mother does.  I mean, they're proud fathers but... you know. And I bet you they've missed out on their kids more than they've been there. I bet you that those [men] with a baby mama as opposed to a baby mother doesn't help out as much as he could and makes stupid mistakes and stupid excuses. I bet you he puts himself first. My father was in my life for a total of probably 6 months. He wasn't there when I was born, he was out at his friend's party or something. I'm 33 years old now and I have two little ones. My daughter's mom and I have a shitty relationship but when it comes to the kids we're cool. Me and their mom just don't talk, you know? Only about the kids, which is cool because we keep it civil for them. She works and I work and we're fine splitting everything evenly, as best as possible. We have a set schedule and I don't f*ck up that schedule because I wanna go out with friends or something.
He [dad] used to call my mom a nagging b*tch. My mom worked 2 jobs back to back for 14 years. She never asked him for a penny and never did anything that would be seen as nagging. The only time I remember her getting mad at him was when he would miss birthdays. But in his eyes, she's a baby mama".

Men see baby mama drama as a woman's problem. They believe that she is being irrational with her claims and her premises are discounted to nagging and overreacting. Can all of these men truly say that what they say and what they do are consistent? Can they say that they spend time with their children close to the amount of time that the mother does? Can they say that they have been responsible parents?

No doubt there are women out there that have lied about pregnancy, who the father is, and have used their child to cling on to a man. We don't need Maury to know that. Despite what you may believe, there are great fathers out there that puts himself aside just as he expects the mother to, for the sake of their children. Yet, regardless of the marital status of both parents, in the end, their actions impact their children and how they will see parenting in the future. The children's concept of family and parenting are moulded by their own parents and living situations. To break that idea of what a parent's responsibility is is hard to break once they've lived it.

Another father wrote that a baby mama doesn't take care of her children and only gets things for herself like new clothes, mani/pedi etc. A baby mother has a job, puts her children first and finds time for them.
What I don't understand about this particular father is that he does not have a job and spends less than 4 hours a week with his children. Yet, he feels completely comfortable with his responses and justifies his lack of providing a father figure with a shrug and some alpha male remarks. The mother of his children works 8-10 hour days at a hospital and she has them in daycare because he has not contributed to either watching the children or for daycare payments.  I'll just leave you to think about that for a second...

So this must mean there is a difference between a baby daddy and baby father too? How many baby fathers do you know?





3 comments:

  1. Have you actually surveyed fathers about this ASSUMED "Mother's other roles" to see if the fathers are not willing and able to do this?

    The legal system assumes a mother's pain is actually more important than the family or the child's.
    If that weren't the case, most broken families would immediately be separated with a balance of responsibilities and duties from the onset. That way, the mother doesn't play the "I carried the child" card as blanket ownership!
    The father doesn't get the "Parental Alienation" treatment that A LOT(yes, that is "A LOT") of women perpetrate.

    Children ARE NOT PROPERTIES that can be owned by one whilst another pays the installments.

    So, if a man is WILLING AND ABLE to shoulder some of these "mothers-only" responsibilities, why can't the mother shoulder some "dad-is-for-cash" responsibilities?

    Law

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  2. ps. You asked them about "Baby Moma" and "Baby Mothers". you didn't ask them if they would share parental responsibilities if it TRULY meant some peaceful existence.

    I mean, this whole section:
    "In addition to the responses I received, a one to one conversation with a father of a seven year old daughter and a 5 year old son was interesting. He believed that there isn't a difference between baby mama and baby mother.

    "I guarantee you that the men labelling mothers as such and such don't have a good relationship with the kids... I mean not like the mother does. I mean, they're proud fathers but... you know. And I bet you they've missed out on their kids more than they've been there. I bet you that those [men] with a baby mama as opposed to a..."

    Can you not see this actually proves my point? This man is telling you that the moment him and his ex were able to approach the split with the word "EVEN" in mind and heart, some peace came into their world. HIS EX WORKS. I BET you he wouldn't be waxing lyrical like that if his ex were the "I can't work blah blah blah type" and he see's his children less. In fact, he'd probably be looking for his estranged dad to hug him and and say "Whoa, now I see why you left"!!!

    So, stay together in love or split with fairness, so the kids have a better chance.

    Law

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  3. I think you misread her piece and misunderstood what this father meant. He was ON THE MOTHERS' SIDE. Read again.

    ReplyDelete